#(but the gremlins are REALLY happy to have a playmate)

[strawberryfloofs]

Caregiver Alastor Headcanons!

Tw: Cursing and mentions of Hell

I think Alastor would really prefer regressors who have a little age old enough that they can run around and be chaotic. He'd definitely fuel their energy and have all sorts of physical activities or play they can do! Bonus points if they're a high energy regressor!

He's the type of caregiver to go with the flow of whatever you want...until it's too dangerous. I think he'd be really hot and cold, like one moment he's cheering you on and then once you cross the line, he stops you right there.

"I think that's enough, darling. You should stop right there."

For this reason, he's not big on rules, he mostly just orders you on the spot and they're never written. Overall, he wouldn't have any unless you told him you wanted some.

Alastor definitely calls you his little hellspawn, darling, devil, gremlin, rascal, kiddo, and makes up little names for you

Alastor doesn't have a need or preference for any caregiver nickname. You don't have to call him one, nor does he want it, but that doesn't mean he opposes it either. He'd be okay with anything you came up with.

He doesn't mind having you in his radio tower, actually, he enjoys your company! When he's not busy, you two color up there, play games, and he'll even do shadow puppetry for you! Anything you'd want, he's down for it! But when he's busy, he makes it a rule to wear noise-cancelling headphones so you don't hear his work, but also he has pillows blocking your view or he casts his shadows to cover his work instead

This isn't because it would be too graphic, you live in hell, you're used to it, he just doesn't want you to see that side of him while regressed.

Will let you play with the radio tower's microphone, but only while it's off! He doesn't want to accidentally broadcast the things you say or some babbles/gibberish that comes out of your mouth.

He tries his best to keep you a secret for your own safety. Alastor knows he has a lot of enemies and people who would use you to force his hands, or at worst harm you, so only the main crew knows about you and your regression! Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Rosie, etc!

Alastor isn't really big on giving physical affection other than headpats and pinches. Those are his favorite to give, and he wouldn't give any others unless you particularly asked for it. He wouldn't be opposed to receiving it either, but he wouldn't go out of his way to ask for it.

Whenever you're bored, he'll do magic tricks with his powers for you to watch. You wanna see his antlers poke out? Him knock over books? You got it! Hell, he'll even corrupt part of the world around you if you'd like! If he needs a little break or is busy, he'll cast a shadow to be your playmate, or babysitter (only for a short amount of time)

He'd spawn demonic toys for you to play with as well.

If he needs you to be entertained, and or babysat a little longer, he'd prefer to hand you off to Rosie, but he's alright with giving you to Charlie and telling Husk to make sure you're safe and that she doesn't do something dumb. Charlie's always making sure your happy and safe! She's one of the best babysitters you could have, so you don't mind.

Allows you to play with his microphone staff, but only while he's watching. He's very weary to lend it out to anyone, including you, even though he knows you wouldn't do anything bad with it intentionally.

Alastor reads the best bedtime stories, he's very used to talking in a way others find entertaining, so you're no different! You'll be out like a light by the time he closes the book.

I actually think he'd be really good at pretend play. I mean like, the BEST actor around. You need him to be an angry Karen for your restaurant? He NAILED it! 5 star actor on your hands with his dicton and exaggerated mannerisms!

While at the hotel, he let's you do whatever you'd like with him. Ruffle his hair? Tug on his antlers? Climb up and crawl all over him? Bite/nom on his leg? That's fine by him! You can unleash yourself and go full gremlin on him, he'll pretend like nothings happening while he's talking to the main crew, unless they point it out.

"Oh don't mind the hell spawn, but yes I have business to take care of."

Although, outside the hotel he warns you not to do that for the sake of your safety....but mostly his reputation. He couldn't dare to let the other sinners of hell see him like that.

You know how there's a mom stare? Alastor has one for his regressor, too. A warning is when his eyes turn mostly black. When you're pushing it, his antlers peek out a little, and when you're going too far...yeah they're coming all the way out and the environment will be partially corrupted.

I don't see him as having to dish out punishments a lot with how stern he is, but if you go past that point he'll put you in timeout with telekinesis. Yes, when he says 5 minutes, he means 5 minutes in the air.

Doesn't like you watching television at all, so you have a screentime limit. Yes...I know, boring, but he can provide much better entertainment in his eyes! (He looks at TV the same way most people look at IPads for kids)

Teaches you how to be a menace and trick with others. It's free entertainment for both of you. No further explanation.

Lets you curse while regressed, and has no problem with it. It doesn't exactly encourage it, but he doesn't punish it either! He's definitely neutral, Alastor's just happy that you're communicating with him.

Will sing for you, or tell you something through a song. Did I mention he'll be dancing during it as well?

Alastor loves to tease you and play fight with you alot, he's very good at coming up with remarks or silly things to say!

"Darling, you really shouldn't pick a fight while you're awake, I'll just broadcast your snores later. Backing down now, are we?"

Can you tell I'm really into Hazbin Hotel rn?? Just binged it and I love it sm!

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers Meeting the MC’s Family

I mean, if they have any family at all, what could they even tell them anyway? “Sorry Mom, still in Hell so I won’t make Thanksgiving but I’m doing great though!” This is another long one folks, but I lowkey kind of love it a whole lot. Sooo fun to write. One of my favorite posts so far.

Lucifer

Thinks it's a little weird that they’re so adamant to introduce their family to a literal demon but also kinda gets it. Family is the most important thing to him too.

Is very focused on making a good first impression, from image to attitude. Their approval isn’t going to do jack to stop him from being with the MC but he’d still take pride in being able to charm them for a night. Besides, if the MC cares then so does he.

Has more experience with the human world than the others so he’d know a lot of the do’s and don'ts already. They won’t need to worry about him making some kind of slip up.

Would love the irony if the MC’s family is religious at all. Christian/Jewish especially. May or may not play along with their little rituals but is going to make a lot of thinly veiled, passive-aggressive comments towards his "old man."

Would be most comfortable in a setting where there’s a lot of intellectual discussion or debate. He loves to steer a conversation down towards politics or other controversial things to get a rise out of people. The MC may need to reign him in if that’s a big no-go zone.

Isn’t really going to get along with any younger siblings the MC might have. Either he’s too stiff or too scary. If they’re looking for a playmate, look somewhere else.

Also not going to be particularly fond of any pets they have one way or another. Though he may take a shine to pitbulls or rottweilers because they remind him of Cerberus.

Mammon

You sure about this, MC? Him? Really? Are you really sure? He’s going to think they're crazy but he’s not going to refuse.

Will be so freaking excited if they’re from a well-to-do or, dare say, rich family. So much stuff to steal admire. Yeah, yeah no stealing from the MC’s family, he gets it... He’ll really try his best but it might be good to keep an eye on him.

Surprisingly though, he’s not going to be disgusted if they’re from a poor family either because the dude gets it. Money is hard to come by and things can be tough. He might even… pay... for some stuff while he’s there... You know, if he can. Don’t make a big deal out of it… He's got an image to keep.

He’ll try his best to not come off like a total scumbag and it may actually work. He’s rough around the edges but there’s plenty of chances for his better side to shine through as long as he stays on good behavior. 

They will have to be sure that he doesn’t get to talking too much because his dumbass will let it slip that he’s a demon. 

Mammon may not love kids but kids love him and any younger siblings are going to do the same. Even if he calls them little gremlins, he’ll let himself get roped into whatever game they’re playing and make it a lot of fun in the process.

Bring on the pets! He’s more of a dog person but he’ll play with a cat too. He may not be as animal-obsessed as Satan but he loves a good furry companion every once in a while.

Leviathan 

NOOOOO and you can’t make him!!! A social event involving strangers where he has to make a good impression?? Fuck no, that sounds like actual hell and he doesn’t want anything to do with it!

… But he also can’t just let the MC go back to the human world alone because what if they meet someone better than him and get reminded that they’re with a good-for-nothing otaku…? Okay he's going. But he’s going to pout about it.

His first impression is going to make him come off like a nervous wreck no matter what. There’s really no polishing this bundle of anxiety. The best he can hope for is to ride this thing out until it's done.

Will be pretty quiet and cling to the MC like a life-raft the entire night. Refuses to be left alone with their family in any capacity, he could not handle the awkward silence. If they’re going to the bathroom, then he’s going too damnit.

If they have a pretty nerdy family then he might be a bit more comfortable. Especially if any of their siblings/parents game or are into anime. Steering conversation more towards his comfort zones will help him out a lot...

If they have little siblings who play a lot of video games then he is going to be the coolest person in the world. Period. He knows all the best strategies to practically any game out there, demonic or human. He may even loosen up a little bit and start smiling if he gets to wow an audience with his gaming prowess!

Like Lucifer he’s not going to be all that impressed with pets either way. He’ll think fish are pretty neat and probably even reptiles too but don’t expect him to get too cuddly with a dog or anything.

Satan

Doesn’t hate the idea but agrees that his name is going to have to change if they’re really serious about it. “Hey everybody this is my boyfriend, Satan!” is only going to be appealing to very niche circles...

Like Lucifer, he's going to be mindful of how he comes across. He'd rather the MC's family likes him than didn't, even if it's irrelevant, so expect him to be very polite and sociable. Damn near the perfect gentleman.

… Until something/someone sets off his temper. He may not go full Wrath on the situation but it's probably best to get him out of the room real quick so he can cool down.

Would love if the MC comes from an super educated family but it’s not a must. He's the kind of guy who will ask a lot of questions about any person's profession/skills and how things work regardless of background. He's curious that way.

Either way, he is going to show off his smarts and make sure that their family knows where his intellect is at. He wants them to know that the MC picked someone with a good head on their shoulders, after all.

Best keep him away from small children and bratty teens. He isn't exactly opposed to kids, but it takes one little shit to set him off and NO ONE looks good yelling at someone else's kid. Deserved or not.

Will there be cats? Do you have a cat? Please say you have a cat! He's okay with dogs too but if the MC has a cat this man will be ecstatic. The cat will love him and he will love it right back. Honestly, he's already adopted it. It's his now. Who's MC?

Asmodeus

Baby, you can take him anywhere and he’ll be the life of the party! A little family gathering doesn’t matter to him.

Is going to make sure that the moment he walks through the door the MC's family is in awe of what a catch they've got for themselves. He wants them to be proud of their little MC! To him, that translates to looking good and being fun!

Hope this is a house used to physical affection because he will not (and probably cannot) turn it off. Everyone gets hugs. Everyone.

Extra affectionate the whole night. He'll hold the MC's hand or arm or waist or really any part he can get away with. Kisses on the head and cheek aplenty. He may also lowkey butter up their parents with loads of compliments no matter what situation they're in.

If he's told to cool it on the touching though, he may get offended.

Is going to be better with teenage siblings than little, little ones. The man lives to give dating advice, fashion tips, or makeovers, you name it. Though he has to be careful to mention just human products and not some of the stuff he has back home.

Animal fur on his clothes? After he dressed himself so carefully?? No thanks. You can have your cute puppy or your little kitty. He'll take pictures, but he's probably not going pet much.

Beelzebub

Is honestly kind of honored by the suggestion. The MC is already a part of his family so it only seems natural to make him part of theirs. Though he has some reservations, mostly around his appetite...

He doesn't go up to the human world very much because it's really hard for him to stay fed. He's well-known enough in the Devildom that restaurants know what to expect when he walks in. Not so much up there.

Arrange the meeting around a state fair, festival, or carnival where the food is plentiful and he's golden. Hopefully their family won't be too disturbed by how bottomless his stomach is…

Beel is a sweetheart through and through but his lack of knowledge about how the human world, or humans in general, work might come back to bite him. He may need a little 101 about human manners before going.

Truthfully, their family is in for a real treat! This giant may look intimidating, but he's as gentle as they come. The kind of guy who will carry their grandmother’s bags with a smile on his face just for the sake of being helpful. 10/10 Sweetie, mother will approve.

Ooooh little kids are going to love Beel. He'll let their siblings hang off of him like a jungle gym. Will also play games with them if they want him to. Doesn't matter to him, their family is his family too and he wants to see them all happy.

Man wants dogs. Preferably big ones that he can rough-house with but little dogs he can cuddle work too. Do remind him that he can't just rip a whole-ass branch off a tree to play fetch like you could with Cerberus.

Belphegor

Really? You want that? Lol, okay but no promises. This is pretty much the equivalent of sticking two unlabeled chemicals together in a beaker and leaning in to see what happens. Who knows, but now you're stuck in the middle of it.

He's not going to try especially hard to make a good impression or change himself in any way. If their family is into people who are kind of chill and sarcastic then he'll get along swimmingly. If they were expecting more of a Satan type, yeah. No. He's not holding open any doors.

Won't be taking the whole thing all that seriously to be honest, like, what are a bunch of humans going to do if they don’t like him? Tell MC? They're certainly not going to be able to make him leave. He's humoring them at best, even if he's nice, so why bother fussing about it?

Might be a disrespectful little troll at times like pretending to fall asleep or making casual jokes like "Oh no, ma'am. I'm not all that comfortable with that cross over there because I'm a demon. …. Got ya, didn’t I? That'd be silly." *shit-eating grin*

Would appreciate a quiet, slightly introverted family the most. He's going to start getting annoyed if people in the house are too loud and may speed the whole thing along as a result.

Kids are things he'd rather avoid than have to interact with, but if pressed he will humor the little ones too. Don't expect him to do a whole lot of moving, though. If they're happy to just show him things that he can semi-pay attention to, that works for him.

MC has a pet? Is it fluffy? Is it lazy? Bring'em here. Like Beel, he likes big dogs but would rather just bury his face in fluff than try to wrestle it. He may actually fall asleep with them if they lay still enough for it.

[achoirofcritters]

One year ago today, I went on an impulsive adventure with a couple of my closest friends to pick up my 3rd dog. The decision happened fast, and before I knew it, this little wiggly bundle of caramel was in my house, warming up to Astaroth and Evie, and being a silly little goofball. I'm having a really hard time comprehending that it's been a year already. Baby dog, why you gotta grow up so fast, huh? Pazuzu came into my life at a time where I didn't know how much I'd need him. He hit it off with the other dogs swimmingly and was soon Astaroth's best friend and only playmate while Evie was undergoing months of recovery and crate-rest. He is a funny boy. Full of smiles and screeches and energy. Loves attention and balls and squeakers. And adores both of the older dogs, always laying next to Astaroth, always wrestling with Evie. He gremlin screams during play and bounces around like a maniac, loves baring his teeth in his smilies when he's happy to see us, and though he doesn't really cuddle, he delights in being near his people and loves when we talk to him, pet him, and make funny noises in his face. He's never met a stranger and is very good greeting new people and dogs on the leash, which makes him an amazing adventure dog. He's become my prime hiking buddy! He's so well behaved out in public that he's a dream, knowing no fear, and he's just a tiny dog bursting with confidence and self-assurance. He definitely made a perfect fit into our silly little family right at the perfect moment, and I can't thank my breeder enough for thinking of me when seeking a home for this goofy little fellow. We didn't realize just yet how much we needed him when I made the decision to welcome him into our home, and though he aggravates me like crazy some days with his relentless energy, I don't regret this little caramel demon fiend joining our family and completing our home one bit. <3 Happy Gotcha Day, Pazzlebum! Pazooki! Pazizzle! Stinky boy! Vicious son! Little fiend! We love your handsome and silly face.

[parentingguide8-blog]

Annoying Children's Gifts New Parents Will Hate Betches

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Annoying Children's Gifts New Parents Will Hate Betches

The holidays are a super joyous time when you can bask in day drinking, avoiding the outdoors, and gifting your most favorite people with the most annoying children’s toys and gifts. I am sure that one day, when I decide to ruin my body and life with children, someone will gift me and mine with horrible toys. Until then, though, I plan to pay it forward and bestow glitter, drums, and scary stuffed animals on the nieces and nephews in my life—setting their parents up with many joyful, noisy, and sleepless nights.

Let’s dive into some of our most favorite toys and gifts for children that their parents will 100% hate:

1. Anything With Glitter

It’s the herpes of the art world and your friends will be finding it under tables, on walls, finely coating toilet paper, and acting as a fine layer on the bottoms of everyone’s feet. Can you really put a price on a child’s happiness at finding their inner artist? 

Serabeena Decorate Your Own Glittery Treasure Boxes

2. Drum Sets

Omg yayyyyy look at you, nurturing that early musical inclination! This applies to electronic or, like, real drum sets of all varieties. Imagine the look of horror on a parent’s face when their child tears open the wrapping paper and reveals a drum set. Imagine the joy on mine when I know they’ll never experience silence again. 

Roboller Electronic Drum Set

3. Furby

Furbys are the stuff of nightmares. Does anyone else remember their Furby turning on at 3am and laughing or shouting that it loves you? No? Just me? Anyway, it’s incredible that this gremlin robot has lasted for as long as it has, giving you the potential to terrorize a whole new generation with these demonic sh*ts. And forcing parents to deal with traumatized kids during the early morning hours. 

Furby Boom Plush Toy

4. Pie Face Game

This is SUCH a f*ck-you. If you aren’t familiar, this game requires whipped cream and parents (or other child participants) putting their face in a hole and getting smashed with non-dairy topping. This is also a great gift for people who enjoy utilizing whipped cream in the bedroom. Just saying… they probably have extra laying around. 

Rangegold Pie Face Family Fun Board Game

5. DJ Table

What better way to piss off the parents of small children than by bestowing the gift of a potential DJ career on their kids? Prepare for a future of “PUT YOUR F*CKING HANDS UP” and “HEY HEY HEY THIS IS DJ SPINNY SPINS FRESH OUTTA LONG ISLAND” with this super incredible DJ Table set. It comes with a microphone. Look at that ginger kid go! He’s the most popular child DJ in the neighborhood. 

Ginzick Kids Music DJ Style Playmat with Microphone

6. Microphone Or Karaoke Games

Watching children scream into a microphone warms my cold, dead heart. C’mon, how many videos have you seen of baby celebrities belting out Whitney Houston ballads or pretending to accept Oscars? Some amazing family friend, aunt, or sibling made that possible. At the time, I bet the parents were PISSED. Look at them now, rolling in the money earned as a result of that first foray into stardom. You can thank me later. 

Wireless Karaoke Microphone for Kids

7. Drones

How long before this is driven into a sibling or parents’ hair or crashed into a neighbor’s pool? How long before it lands into the woods? This is guaranteed to start a fight, and I am happy to bring that joy to any family. 

Drones for Beginners and Kids

8. Anything Alive

Nothing says “I hate you��� quite like gifting a 3-year-old with a fish or hamster, destined for death unless a parent intervenes. For the record, this could be a great tool for teaching responsibility. More than likely, though, it’s going to teach a valuable lesson about taking care of your things if you don’t want them to die. 

9. Legos

Nothing is better than knowing your friends will step on and have Legos lodged in their feet around 1am as they have to walk through a floor littered with toys just to go pee. Does anything hurt quite like smashing your foot into a Lego? On the plus side, you’re giving the gift of engineering skills to the kids, practically guaranteeing them a well-paying and in-demand career.

10. Cow Goes Moo Or Other Speaking Games

One of my fondest childhood memories is playing with one of these games/educational tools around age 4. I was pressing the sound button over and over, resulting in the computer voice correcting me again, and again, and again. After about five minutes of this, my father screamed from the other room “HOLY SH*T ENOUGH!” If you, too, want to bestow beautiful memories like this on your friends and their children, I highly suggest gifts like this.

Fisher Price Classic Farmer Says See ‘n Say

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